When I see my boss drunk
whorville: You don’t need a spoonful of sugar to make me go down
torsos: i don’t give blowjobs i give blowcareers
Someone feeling wronged is like someone feeling thirsty. Don’t tell them they...– Lemony Snicket (via obi-wankenblowme)
canadianslut: I wish my name was Zoe so I could introduce myself like this
Sex is so weird like hey I love you let me stick my hard extra limb into your tiny hole and then slam it into you repeatedly because I love you
flowerette: idk all i really want is for 1997...
Under The Covers: I don't wanna go for a run.
Still Under The Covers: I don't waaaannaaa...
Putting On My Running Clothes: Mehhhhh.
Walking Out the Door: Nnnnngghhh...
While Running: When will it enddddddd.
Getting Home: I WANT TO RUN ALL DAY EVERY DAY. TILL THE END OF TIME.
arachnids8rip: fuckheaded: Clearly she wears those short skirts and skimpy tank tops because she wants the d. and by d I mean vitamin d. she wants to soak up as much sun as she can. because revealing clothes are not an invitation for sex u prick and the award for unexpected turns goes to
vvant: advice for having the best life ever: dont have a crush
reginasmom: reginasmom: sometimes i just feel like my vagina is going to break down from seeing all these cute boys ur labels mean nothing to me
rachelisaflameprincess: bendydicks: considerthishippie: Instead of just looking up into the sky, you’re actually gazing down into the infinite cosmic abyss, with only gravity holding you onto the surface of the earth. oh i was not prepared for that
kristenwiiggle: sonicdrivein: I CANT FUCKING BREATHE I JUST SPIT MY BEER ON MY KEYBOARD
Waking up next to a guy
whatshouldwecallme: Expectation: Reality:
To be or not to be? Bitch I might be– William Shakespeare. (via paroi)